Tag Archives: Family in China

The Chinese Families of Flight MH370

04/16/2014 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 12 Comments

One story that has been dominating Western news networks for more than a month is the mystery of the missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370.

As of this article’s publishing, the search to find the missing plane and passengers in the South Indian Ocean is still ongoing, with no definite news on the location of the plane or the fate of the passengers.

From the very beginning, the story has had a specific Chinese angle, as 153 of the 239 passengers aboard flight MH were from Mainland China. Many of the family members of these Chinese passengers have been forced to wait for weeks, some in Malaysia and some in China, hoping for some word on their loved ones.

And while Western viewers have been privy to the mourning and public outbursts of these Chinese families, there has been little coverage in the West on the specific reasons behind them.

While it is certainly true that any family in this situation would be wracked with grief, some specific differences in the grief displayed by these Chinese families reflect cultural and social disparities between China and Western countries. In the following article, some of these differences will be explored to enlighten Westerners on the true plight of these Chinese families.

Families in China Don’t Get a Second Chance

The family has always been very important in China, though the smaller size of the modern Chinese family has in some ways increased its importance, and perhaps its fragility.

While the Chinese family (including the extended family) has traditionally been very large, its size has been drastically reduced due to the one-child policy. And while there may be no technical barriers to rebuilding a family after a tragedy, it still may be a practical impossibility. On one hand, the Chinese possess strong prejudices against divorce and remarriage, with a stable family viewed as more important than individual happiness.

While a Chinese man or woman who has lost their spouse may desire to find another partner, there may be internal resistance from friends and family. Many Chinese are strongly against marrying at a later age. And while Chinese men find it possible to marry a younger woman (if they have enough money), Chinese women above the age 30 or 35 will likely find it near impossible.

On the other hand, even though the birth of a second child is allowed under the Chinese one-child policy after the death of the first child, Chinese couples are rarely willing to have children at a later date. This is partly due to the increasing risk of birth defects as a woman ages (even though plenty of later births occur in other countries), as well as the continuing belief that a woman’s role is to marry and have children early.

For the above reasons, Chinese families who have lost one or more members of their families in the MH370 tragedy may be faced with the inescapable fact that they will have no chance to rebuild or recover.

The Public Outpouring of Grief

One issue that struck a chord with this author was the grief displayed very publicly by some Chinese family members. While any family faced with such a horrific tragedy would surely be filled with grief, the ways the Chinese (and many Asians in general) deal with their grief and negative emotions differ significantly from those in the West.

Many Westerners hold the view that the Chinese are more reserved in their displays of emotion, and to a degree, they are correct. Chinese society’s early focus on hierarchy and collectivism meant that everyone had a proper place and way to act. One of the ways this translates into modern Chinese society is a reticence to discuss or openly display emotion among strangers and sometimes even one’s own family.

However, there are several reasons why Chinese people might break with this norm where grief and mourning are concerned.

The Chinese concept of Ren (忍) can be involved in sudden and violent displays of emotion. In Chinese, Ren means to endure or to tolerate.

Because specific members of Chinese society have specific roles and accepted behavior within those roles, they are rarely completely free to act or speak their mind.

As such, it is very common for negative feelings and stress to gradually increase within a Chinese person due to emotional pressure. At particularly tumultuous times, these negative emotions can become too much to bear, and like a broken dam, spill forth in a torrent.

Also, under certain circumstances, especially where the death of loved ones and close friends is involved, Chinese people are expected to display exaggerated emotions.

This practice comes from the Chinese custom of worshiping their ancestors and revering their elders, an incredibly important part of traditional Chinese life. The eldest member of the family (usually the eldest male) was always accorded the most respect, and upon dying, an elaborate ceremony would be held to pay respects and allow the family to mourn.

This mourning would many times be public in front of the neighborhood. Chinese family members who were not seen to mourn and grieve publicly and exaggeratedly were thought to be heartless and not filial (not fulfilling their duty to their elders).

In modern China, where family sizes are much smaller, this type of behavior may be extended to other family members besides the oldest, such as a child or sibling.

Offense Is the Best Defense in Modern Chinese Society

Many family members of the Chinese passengers of flight MH370, in addition to their grief, have been notably aggressive and confrontational in both their language and actions toward representatives of Malaysian Airlines and the Malaysian government.

While this might be understandable for anyone with a missing loved one, it is more so for the Chinese. The rapid pace of China’s economic development, along with the weak social and legal infrastructure present in many areas in China, has resulted in China’s citizens becoming accustomed to being taken advantage of with little to no legal recourse.

As such, the Chinese often take an aggressive stance when faced with a situation in which they feel they are being taken advantage of. This author has personally observed this aspect of modern Chinese society on multiple occasions and offers the following examples to further illustrate this point.

Supermarket Lines: A common sight at China’s large Hypermarts (e.g., Carrefour, Walmart) is one or several customers haranguing and hectoring cashiers over pricing or other issues of discontent. More often than not, excuses are not accepted, and the customer will keep at it until their concern is adequately addressed.

Delays at the Airport: In one instance, when flying from Shanghai to the USA, this author’s flight was canceled, and all passengers were shuttled off to another airport to catch a different flight. Little information was provided to any of the passengers as to whether it was feasible to make the arranged flight.

Due to what was viewed as a lack of information and poor customer service, several Chinese passengers came close to assaulting the accompanying airport representative when their questions were not answered satisfactorily. In the end, these passengers detained this representative aboard the shuttle bus for 5-10 minutes before he was finally allowed to leave.

The important point to be aware of from the preceding examples is not that the Chinese are mean or violent; indeed, far from it. In modern China, the pace of economic growth, along with weak social and legal infrastructure have created a social environment in which many Chinese are very wary about trusting companies or their fellow citizens.

One result of this is that the Chinese can be understandably aggressive in defending their own interests, especially because, in many cases, the law may not be able to.

Returning to the tragedy of missing flight MH370, it seems to be the opinion of many, if not all, of these Chinese families that Malaysian Airlines and the government have, at the very least, bungled the investigation and search efforts, and may very well have withheld information from the public in their own self-interest.

My own interpretation of the protests, aggressive rhetoric, and demands put forth by these families is that they have become convinced that the Malaysian government and Malaysian Airlines have no intention of going out of their way for the families and that the only option available is to fight back and become loud enough to force compliance with their demands and concerns.

What Does This Mean For Western Audiences?

To a certain extent, the Chinese are just like people all over the world. They all have families and react similarly as anyone else when they lose someone they love.

However, one key point that should be remembered is that although the Chinese may appear similar to Westerners on the surface in some ways, they are actually very different. The Chinese mindset is distinct and is shaped not only by their cultural history, but by the conditions of modern Chinese society.

Understanding Chinese culture and society will not only provide Westerners with a greater appreciation of the Chinese people but will also make it easier to empathize with them when tragedies similar to the missing flight MH370 occur in the future.

If you’re interested in thoughtful perspectives on China, cross-border work, and how culture, incentives, and organizations shape real outcomes, you’re welcome to subscribe to China Culture Corner and receive future posts by email.

I also share related ideas and longer-form video commentary on LinkedIn and YouTube, and post updates across the channels linked above.

If you or your organization is navigating China execution or cross-border alignment challenges, I work with teams on an embedded and remote basis. Reach out directly: Sean@SageSightConsulting.com

CULTURE BASICS

The Significance of Family in China

06/21/2013 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 16 Comments

Many challenges await the Western businessperson in China, but one factor that may escape immediate notice is the significance of the Chinese family.

While family in China is primarily a social issue, its centrality within Chinese everyday life, as well as the changes and pressures forced upon it by the rapid rise of the Chinese economy, often creates an inescapable impact on businesses in China.

Why are Chinese employees more likely to resign after the New Year holiday than at other times of the year? Why are Chinese employees passive and not prone to taking the initiative? Why do Chinese employees seem to feel an inordinate amount of pressure?

Understanding these issues and the role of the family in China can help Western businesses to better manage their operations in China as well as maintain better relationships with their employees.

The History of Family in China

The family has long been a key component within Chinese society, and many aspects of Chinese life can be tied to honoring one’s parents or ancestors.

In fact, the majority of the “five relationships” espoused by Confucius were directly centered on the family. Due to this focus on the family, it was common for the Chinese, even when fully grown with children of their own, to not only remain in or close to their hometown, but also have many, if not all, living generations of a family living under the same roof (sì shì tóng táng; 四世同堂).

Chinese who may have done business far from home, or may have been appointed to government posts far away, would normally have found time to return home regularly, giving rise to the popular Chinese saying: “falling leaves returning to the root of the tree that sired them.”

The concept of family in China was so important that it was one of the few moral and ideological concepts to survive the decade-long turmoil and chaos of the Cultural Revolution relatively unscathed. While many Chinese elders lament the fact that young adults born in the 1980’s or later possess no clear moral compass or strong standards of behavior, no one in China has forgotten the importance of family.

The Chinese Family Structure

The Chinese family structure has traditionally been rigid and hierarchical, with elders still receiving the largest degree of reverence, respect, and obedience, a practice that has continued into the modern age.

And while Confucius may have preached that showing respect and filial piety to one’s elders did in no way require blind obedience, in actual practice throughout Chinese history and today, many parents and grandparents expect their children/grandchildren to do as they are told.

Within the traditional Chinese family structure, each family member has a specific form of address in Chinese, with different forms of address for an older and younger brother, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandfathers, and grandmothers, on both the maternal and paternal sides of a family.

And while this naturally can appear complicated to the uninitiated Westerner, in fact, it was and is incredibly important to the Chinese family structure.

A significant aspect of life in the Chinese family is showing the proper amount of respect to the appropriate members of the family. For example, a father’s elder brother will accordingly rank higher than his younger brother, and there exist separate terms to differentiate the two, to both members of the family as well as to outsiders.

And these terms also offer insight into the position of a girl within the traditional Chinese family unit. Many of the terms for family members on the maternal side of the family begin with the character “Wài (外),” literally meaning “outside, ” indicative of the fact that Chinese women, even after marrying into a new home, were still considered to be outsiders.

China’s Rapid Economic Growth and Working Away from Home

In the new China, the Chinese family faces many challenges and contradictions to the old way of life that threaten its traditional stability.

As China’s economy continues to grow and expand, many young and seasonal workers have been drawn to the bigger cities in the more prosperous regions of China. They come to find better jobs and more money, in many cases sending much of what they earn to their families, who may reside in small towns where income is very low.

But as Chinese young adults enter their late twenties, they come under increasing pressure from family to marry, have children, and settle down, which, much of the time, requires moving back home.

Also, unlike Westerners, many young Chinese have a hard time away from home and do not do well alone and on their own. Every year as the Spring Festival rolls around, almost all Chinese living away from home begin the long and sometimes arduous journey back to their hometowns.

Free from the stress, loneliness, and toil of the big cities, it is not uncommon for young workers to decide abruptly to “take a break,” quickly giving notice (if at all) to their current employers, and it is common for workers to take off weeks or months at a time.

And while some Western employers may be prone to assume that their young employees lack loyalty, morals or good character, it is important to remember that family is the highest priority in China and trumps loyalty to all else.

The One-Child Policy

The situation with family in China is in some ways made worse by the Chinese One Child Policy, which was first implemented in the late 1970‘s.

The policy had previously allowed parents only one offspring, leading to an upset in the traditional structure of the family. Instead of the usual bottom-heavy structure, one child is now supported and brought up by two parents and four grandparents, resulting in an inordinate amount of attention and pressure placed upon the child.

With regards to the workplace, this can potentially have two negative side effects. First, with only one child available to succeed and support them in their old age (expected by parents in China), parents and grandparents will aim to be even more in control of their child.

In modern China, every aspect of a child’s life, including courses of study, careers, friends, and free time, is decided and managed by the parents and other relatives. When those children later enter the workplace, they generally not only have little to no experience thinking and making decisions on their own, but also as a result of a school system focused on memorization and diminished free-thinking, they have been specifically taught to avoid such things.

Second, under the sole focus and care of so many family members, Chinese children of the post-1980’s generation have acquired a reputation for being spoiled and self-centered, also known as the “Little Emperor Syndrome.”

One result is that young talent in China is more likely to become dissatisfied with their current employment. They are much more likely than their Western counterparts to switch jobs after short periods, chasing happiness or a larger paycheck.

What to Be Aware of as a Westerner

Westerners in China, unfamiliar with the Chinese family and the local talent market, can find themselves with workers that they don’t understand, an unproductive office staff, high turnover rates, and endless headaches.

However, with patience, the right mindset, and proper planning, the impact of these issues can be reduced. First of all, many young Chinese (and older ones as well) can indeed adapt to a “Western working model,” but it is unfair to immediately expect them to change their ways.

Remember that in a local Chinese company (or even among their own families), showing initiative, displaying individuality, or offering suggestions to managers will not only likely be ignored, but can also lead to workers being criticized or ostracized by their colleagues and managers.

It is important to be patient while these workers learn, and show that you are willing to listen to them on a consistent basis, and not just when it’s convenient.

Also, be ready for the likely event that not all workers will want to be managed in a Western manner. In this case, it’s important to acquaint oneself with the basic concepts of Chinese culture, and be sure to give them the proper amount of face and respect for a job well done, and not to take it away in front of others.

Concerning the high turnover rates you might experience around the time of the Chinese New Year, make sure to plan ahead and have potential candidates identified by HR early, before it’s too late.

And remember that a Chinese worker’s loyalty is to their family first; it’s not that they have no loyalty or have shoddy principles, that’s just the way the culture is. For a Western business or businessperson in China, in order to succeed, it’s important to learn and adapt.