Tag Archives: Losing Face

Saying “No” in China

When doing business or living in China, it is inevitable that one will, from time to time, be forced to say no, to deny a request, or to offer criticism. However, in Chinese society, which emphasizes respecting people’s Face and maintaining important relationships, saying no directly can lead to unintended problems.

As a rule, the Chinese are much more vague and indirect than Westerners. By understanding the different ways in which the Chinese indirectly refuse others, Western business people in China will have several advantages. First, when speaking with Chinese employees, superiors, friends and family members, recognizing a vague refusal can lead to an earlier comprehension and reduce the potential danger caused by misinformation. Second, understanding the Chinese indirect methods of refusal can allow Western business people to apply them to their own conversations and negotiations with the Chinese. By saying no in the Chinese way, the feelings of the Chinese can be spared, allowing for a more effective working relationship.

Below, several common methods of saying “no” in China are presented for the education of interested Western businesspeople and travelers, so as to be more able to effectively communicate with the Chinese.

Express Embarrassment

One of the more common methods of saying no in China is to begin a refusal by expressing one’s own embarrassment at the situation. This is stated in an exaggerated fashion, with the person saying no acting as if they are inconveniencing the person they are saying no to. The goal here is to placate the person being spoken to and to give them an extra measure of respect so as to not cause them to lose face or feel unappreciated. This method might be used to get out of going to lunch with a coworker or declining to help a friend with a favor.

“Oh my gosh, I’m SO embarrassed! I completely forgot about having lunch with you today.  I’ll definitely make it up to you tomorrow, ok?” (哎呀,太不好意思,我完全忘记今天与你吃饭的计划,明天我是一定会补偿你的!)

Be Roundabout and Vague

Another way to say no in China, without unduly offending a Chinese person, is by being roundabout and vague. In other words this means not giving a direct reply. The Chinese often use terms such as “I’m not sure,” “maybe,” and “perhaps.” In addition, other words which in Western cultures express assent or understanding can in China be used to be noncommittal  These include words such as  “I understand,” “sure,” and “I know.” In practice, there are two ways vague language can be used in this regard. First is when one does not want to damage the Face of a Chinese person. Second is when one wants to protect oneself from negative consequences of overtly supporting or agreeing with another. One example could be a manager who does not want to directly reject the idea of a subordinate and thus cause them to lose Face in front of coworkers. Using vague language can allow the manager to put the issue on hold until his or she is better prepared to handle it.

Make Excuses – You Need to Confer With Your Boss

A common method in the Chinese business community to say no (or aid in negotiations) is to pass the blame for making a decision to one’s boss or superior. With this method of saying no, although a Chinese person might say no more directly than at other times, they to a degree are able to remove responsibility from themselves. This method serves to protect the relationship between two people (e.g. salesman and client) even when saying no directly is unavoidable. In fact, it is common for small business owners to display a lower level position (such as senior consultant or senior manager) on their business cards expressly for the purpose of using this tactic and allowing greater flexibility in negotiations.

Tell a “White Lie”

It’s important to remember that saving Face for the Chinese has little to do with the truth and everything to do with personal feelings and prestige. The Chinese try to protect the Face of friends and coworkers by hiding the truth and replacing it with something less embarrassing or negative. For example, when an outing has been planned with friends or family, not attending because one “ doesn’t want to” would cause hurt feelings or anger. It is much more acceptable to the Chinese way of thinking to claim that one has to work overtime to prevent hurting the feelings of a friend. Likewise, when unwilling to work overtime or attend a conference a Chinese employee might tell their superior that their parents have fallen ill, and thus cannot attend.

“I’m sorry John, I just found out that my wife’s parents are coming to visit Shanghai this weekend. They expect me to show them around the city and I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend the conference with you. I really wanted to go with you but I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.” (John,很对不起你,我刚刚发现下周末我岳父岳母都会来参观一下上海,再说他们期待我我来带路。我本来很想与你一起参与那个会议,但现在我好像是没办法的。) 

Put Things Off

One Chinese method of saying no, which causes misunderstandings for Western sales and business development professionals, is the Chinese tendency to put things on hold, or to claim to be busy. For example, when a Chinese company does not want to meet with a salesperson it is common for the salesperson to be told to “call back in a few months.” In many cases, this simply means that the company is not interested in a meeting. In the above example, it is of course likely that the company doesn’t care about the Face of the salesperson, they would simply rather be indirect. However, putting things on hold can also be used to try and preserve the feelings of a friend or coworker. If a good friend asks for a loan of a large amount of money, a Chinese person would likely rather try and put things on hold for a few months rather than embarrass their friend by saying no.

Offer a Positive before a Negative

When one has to say something less than positive to a subordinate, this method can be used to mitigate a potentially bad reaction. For example, if one needs to say no to an employee that asks for a promotion, it might be a good idea to first praise their hard work and their contributions to the team/company. When it is necessary to criticize a certain area in an employee’s performance that needs to be improved, one can first highlight areas in which they excelled. In this manner the employee’s Face and they will less likely to feel humiliated in front of their coworkers.

Final Thoughts

Although Chinese people are not always politely indirect when speaking with one another, it is common enough behavior within the Chinese business and social environments to merit study by Westerners. And while the actual practice of saying no appropriately does indeed take some practice, there are several key categories to saying no which the Western business person in China should try to remember.  These are 1) padding the truth, 2) telling white lies, and 3) being roundabout and vague. Taking heed of these three methods will allow Westerners to be more able to communicate effectively with the Chinese as well as to understand them quicker and with less difficulty.

Lastly, while it is true that many Westerners may recognize some of the above methods for saying no from their own experience in Western society, there is an important distinction that one should understand. While most Westerners may at times be vague and indirect, this is not the norm and usually clashes with Western society’s concepts regarding honesty and the truth. Chinese society is the opposite. To the Chinese, being vague and indirect is a part of everyday life and it not only colors they way they offer refusals, but also how they communicate in general.

Thanks for reading!

Do you have any additional questions about how to say no or refuse someone in China? Do you have any additional tips or suggestions based on your own experience? Please feel free to post your thoughts in the comments section below.

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Gaining and Losing Face in China

Gaining Face and Losing FaceMost Westerners who are planning to China for business have almost certainly heard of the concept of Face,” or Miàn Zi (面子). China’s more traditional society indeed places a great deal of importance on Face within society, business, and politics. However, it can be difficult for Westerners to understand the specific rules relating to Face in China, as well as the different contexts where it should be used. For example, what actions will cause someone to gain or lose Face? In what situations should Face be given? How can Face affect your business and daily life in China? In the following article, several of the basic points surrounding Face will be explained, which all Westerners need to be familiar with to succeed in China.

What Is Face?

In China and much of Asia, Face represents a person’s reputation and feelings of prestige within multiple spheres, including the workplace, the family, personal friends, and society at large. The concept of Face can be understood more easily by breaking it down into three separate components: the individual view, the community view, and actions. The “individual view” pertains to the amount of prestige individuals feel based on their accomplishments and the amount of respect they feel they are due based on their position and status, such as in a company or the home. For example, in the modern Chinese economy, there are many opportunities to buy status symbols, which help a person gain prestige.  And in China’s hierarchy-focused society, the respect a person is due is determined first by status relative to another person’s, not necessarily by personal achievements.

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What is Face? The “community view” pertains to the amount of respect individuals feel necessary to give to someone else based upon that person’s position or statuses, such as in business, the family unit or within a group of friends. For example, status in a Chinese family is divided by very distinct roles; there are even separate terms used to address older and younger cousins, aunts, and uncles. Giving the same amount of respect to older and younger aunts or uncles might be viewed as a serious breach of etiquette.

“Actions” pertain to the various activities that can cause an individual to gain or lose Face. Based upon one’s position relative to someone else, several different actions can be employed to either cause a loss or gain of Face. In some cases, these actions might occur unintentionally or instead be used as a tactic to achieve a specific result. For example, giving someone Face (e.g. more than they might deserve) can be used to build relationships and influence decisions. Also, causing someone to lose Face can reinforce one’s own authority and status, or pressure someone toward a desired action, such as quitting their job or fulfilling a promise.

Face and Business in China

Face is very visible in the Chinese business environment and plays an important role in inter- and intra-company communication, business negotiations, and the development and maintenance of relationships. In China, company hierarchy is much more important than in many Western countries. Not only are leaders and managers placed on a higher pedestal, but the distinction between different levels of management is much clearer and more important. Many Chinese leaders and managers expect respect from their subordinates and in many cases expect to be obeyed without question, no matter the rationality or fairness behind a request.  Not obeying “the will” of a Chinese leader or manager does not give them the perceived necessary prestige they (and others) feel is deserved. Indeed, survival in a Chinese company depends on knowing one’s place, and Face plays a very important role in facilitating that function.

why do the Chinese care about face?When Chinese businesspeople build relationships with one another, Face is very important. On one hand, relationships in China are built and maintained by giving Face and increasing the prestige of one’s friends and contacts. With two business people of the same relative position or status, Face is often given and received equally and is the cement that holds a relationship together.

“To me, your “face” is your position and standing in the eyes of others, and it also has to do with the degree of respect you receive. Face can also be saved up over time and used to accomplish things later on. If you drove a fashionable or luxurious car to attend a friend’s party, then the majority of your friends would feel that you had face. Also, if you can achieve something through your personal contacts that others cannot through normal channels, you would also be thought to have face. You can gain face if you are praised by your boss, or if you accomplish a difficult task at work. However, if you greet others warmly at social events, but are met only with indifference, then you would lose face. Questioning someone’s  ideas or opinion in a public setting would cause that person to lose face.”
– James Tan, Sales Manager, Shanghai

On the other hand, when a client relationship is established in China, the client more often than not receives more Face in the early stages of a relationship from the “seller.” Face must be given to the client to make them believe that the seller is worthy of their money and time. Sometimes giving Face to a contact entails simply words and compliments, though sometimes gifts are required and invitations to dinners, entertainment, or other social events. To the Chinese, there is a natural order in society as well as business, and if one is unwilling or unable to show the proper amount of Face to those that feel they deserve it, then one will likely be judged to not have good character. This has the potential to wreck business deals and sour relationships, so with regard to the issue of Face, most Chinese businesspeople tread with care.

Examples of Gaining and Losing Face

Even after understanding the basic mechanics and uses of Face, it can be difficult to understand how the concept actually works in practice. Listed below are several specific examples of how giving and losing Face plays out in everyday life and business in China.

  1.  A Chinese company director is leading a team of researchers to complete a consulting project for a client. At the project’s end, the director’s subordinates successfully present their findings and reference and praise their superior’s role in managing and leading the project. The actions of the report being completed successfully as well as being praised in front of the client give Face to the director.
  2. A Chinese mother makes many efforts to give her child the opportunity for a good education, both through financial and emotional support. The result is that the child is accepted at a prestigious foreign university. Not only do the parents feel proud of their child’s achievements but also feel that they have gained Face through the child’s achievement.
  3. A young Chinese man is trying to find a woman to marry but has met with no success. After reaching his early thirties, all of his close friends have already married, some even have children. In light of his failure to marry when his family,  friends, and society expect him to, he feels a significant internal loss of Face. In addition, the young man’s friends may look down on him due to his failure to marry and hence give him less Face through their actions and words during social gatherings.  These actions would then further compound the loss of Face.
  4. A young Chinese woman is stuck in a stressful job with an abusive manager at a local Chinese company. Through no fault of her own, she is constantly blamed for her manager’s failings and shortsightedness. Through being berated daily in front of her coworkers, the young woman continuously feels she is losing Face. In the end, she feels she has lost so much Face that she cannot bear to face her coworkers, and decides to quit her job.

Advice for Westerners

It’s true that Face sounds complicated – and it is – but there’s no need to despair. First of all, foreigners are not always expected to adhere to the same exacting standards of respect and prestige as locals in China are. The influx of Western culture into many of the larger Chinese coastal cities (and other more developed areas), along with greater numbers of local Chinese with experience dealing with Westerners, has led to more flexible interpretations of business and social etiquette. Also, Chinese culture in and of itself has both liberal and conservative interpretations, even before China’s modernization. Just as there are highly conservative Chinese managers, executives, and leaders who demand respect be paid to them at all times, there are also Chinese who have a less formal attitude, and focus on getting results over respect.

Related Article: Applying Face in a Chinese Company

面子, Face is important in ChinaHowever, when the issue of Face cannot be avoided, there are several things that should be kept in mind:

  1. Whenever someone outranks you or is older than you, it’s probably a good time to show them more respect.
  2. Don’t forget to give Face when you want something from someone in China (e.g., a business deal or a favor).
  3. While giving face is always important, don’t forget to develop the relationship over the long-term.
  4. Giving Face will always be appreciated, even from Chinese people who have a lot of experience interacting with Westerners. Face is deeply rooted in Chinese society and mindset, and its importance will not fade over time.

While it’s true that some Westerners protest that they won’t “play the game” while in China, it is important to remember that when you are in someone’s house it’s only polite to play by their rules, or you may be asked to leave. At the very least, small gestures of respect are easy and go a long way toward demonstrating that you understand the importance of Face (and are willing to make an effort to understand Chinese culture) and that you are committed to a long-term relationship with the Chinese. Something as simple as this can be a crucial factor that can land important business deals, and lead to rewarding friendships that will last a lifetime.

Thanks for reading!

Do you have any other useful examples of Face in China? Do you have any additional questions about Face and how the Chinese use it? Please feel free to post your thoughts in the comments section below.

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