Tag Archives: Cross-Cultural Communication

The Frog in the Well – Bridging The Cultural Gap

02/13/2014 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 11 Comments

Editor’s Note (2026): This article was originally written in 2014. While some examples reflect the context of that time, the core idea around perspective and cultural misunderstanding remains highly relevant.

The Chinese idiom titled “the frog at the bottom of the well” tells the story of a small frog that lived deep underground in an old well. The frog had been born in the well and lived its entire life there.

All the frog knew of the outside world was the faint light far above it, which it mistakenly took to be the sun. One day, a bird flew down into the well and came across the frog. The bird said to the frog, “Come up to the outside world where it is bright and warm.” Upon hearing this, the frog laughed at the bird, thinking that the well was in fact the entire world.

This Idiom in Chinese: 井底之蛙, Jǐng Dǐ Zhī Wā

The moral of this story warns against discounting things that lie outside one’s own experience. This is important to consider with regard to the misunderstandings that can arise between China and Western countries, many stemming from significant cultural and social differences.

Many Westerners, especially those who have never traveled to or lived in China, may hold a negative view of the country with regard to Chinese behavior, social attitudes, and business practices.

In the following article, the author will discuss several current points of contention between China and Western countries and present the argument that, while it may be simple to dismiss the Chinese point of view, it is not necessarily advisable to do so.

Differing Standards for Communication

One of the more noteworthy differences between China and the West is with regard to communication styles. Westerners who need to speak and interact with Chinese natives sometimes find their vague and indirect communication confusing, while others go so far as to deride the Chinese as dishonest or disingenuous.

While I agree that Chinese communication styles can be confusing, it is unfair to broadly label Chinese communication styles as purposefully deceitful.

The methods by which the Chinese communicate are deeply rooted in their history and culture. While it may not be easy for Westerners to accept these communication styles, it is important to remember that the Chinese, after all, understand each other perfectly.

I personally feel that the Chinese should not be called on to change the way they speak simply for the convenience of Westerners. Many Chinese have already made an effort to learn some English and Western communication styles. Perhaps Westerners have a responsibility in this increasingly globalized world to respond in kind.

Contrasting Social Attitudes and Behaviors

Chinese society is much more conservative than that of Western countries, and retains many traditional attitudes and behaviors. While these may be an important part of Chinese society and culture, Westerners may disagree with them or find them difficult to understand.

Chinese society possesses strong collective elements, a holdover from both the Imperial and Communist Eras. Oftentimes, the rights and freedoms of individuals are sacrificed for what may be deemed to be the greater good. Chinese society also places a lot of importance on hierarchy and proper etiquette.

For example, children are expected to respect and defer to the wishes of their elders with regard to education, careers, marriage, and family life. At work, employees may be forced to keep their opinions to themselves and carry out a daily ritual of currying favor with superiors.

In general, people may be forced to tiptoe around sensitive issues to avoid risking important professional relationships. From a Western point of view, these behavioral concepts sound strange and run contrary to views on independence and freedom of expression.

Many Westerners might consider such behavior wrong or immoral and could not dream of engaging in it. But that is really the point; it is not Westerners who engage in it but the Chinese, who do not find it strange at all.

More Chinese young people are indeed starting to embrace what might be described as Western ideals. However, the majority of Chinese still adhere to more traditional values. Instead of criticizing Chinese society, perhaps Westerners should try to understand it first. No country’s society is perfect, and we all have different ways of doing things. That’s simply the way the world works.

Many Chinese are Content With One-Party Rule

Concerning governance, Western pro-democracy advocates have long attacked China’s central government for “so-called” oppressive rule and the suppression of democracy. This viewpoint has been supported by several prominent Chinese pro-democracy advocates, one of the more famous and recent of whom is Ai Weiwei.

However, in my own experience in China, most Chinese people simply do not have strong feelings about democracy or about becoming involved in their country’s political process.

Chinese people simply want to live a happy and prosperous life and are content to let the Chinese government take care of things. Many of the protests seen on TV or on the Internet are simply local issues and have nothing to do with national governance.

These protesters simply want local or central government officials to fix a specific problem, after which most will happily return to their daily lives. Westerners have grown up with democracy their whole lives, and it is therefore difficult to understand how a lack of democratic rule could be the result of anything less than ill intent.

However, thousands of years of recorded Chinese history have been based on an authoritative one-party rule, an emperor who ruled through “the will of heaven.” Democracy may come to China at some point in the future, but not now, chiefly because the Chinese people overall do not seem to want it. For Westerners trying to bridge the gap between China and the West, democracy may not be the best place to start.

When the Western Media Gets it Wrong

Lastly, there is often a misrepresentation of China by Western media and journalists that prevents Westerners from understanding what China is really like. Sometimes this simply results from the Western media reporting only on negative stories such as pollution, protests, poverty, corruption, or product recalls.

Other times, the Western media simply gets a story so wrong it’s laughable. Any country will possess a plethora of negative news stories and can easily be made to look bad through a slanted focus on negative issues.

Although many of these negative issues are true in China’s case, and a result of its efforts to transform its economy and build its reputation on the world stage, they are not representative of the entire picture. Every day, there are other stories that are not reported to Western audiences, including stories about success through adversity, lifestyle improvements, happy families, and others.

An overt focus by Western media, as well as Western audiences, on negative issues may increase Westerners’ tendency to see China as not only an economic threat, but also an ideological one. In the end, a rivalry between China and Western governments seems inevitable for a host of economic and geopolitical reasons; however, mistrust between the Western and Chinese people is not.

If Westerners can accept two things, that the Chinese people do not have ill intent towards the world at large, and that there exist many positive stories which go unreported in the news, cross-cultural reconciliation and the development of mutual respect will be a positive outcome beneficial for all.

The World is Bigger than the West

Although all the issues, conflicts, and points of disagreement discussed above may make sense to many Westerners, the problem is that they represent a wholly one-sided viewpoint, or in other words, a Western judgment, often without understanding the root causes behind such behaviors and attitudes.

My own personal experiences suggest that many Westerners are lax in their attempts to understand other cultures, especially those of Asia and China. This may be especially true of Americans, as for much of their history, they have been geographically isolated from the rest of the world and have practiced isolationism.

In fact, for many years, it might have seemed to make sense to place a greater degree of importance on the West. Starting with the rise of England (17-18th century A.D.) and followed by America in the 20th century, the world has largely been dominated by a Western and English-speaking economic system and mentality.

Every country that wanted to succeed and be part of the global economic stage needed to learn the Western ways and the Western languages (primarily English). However, it is important to remember that the greater influence of Western countries was primarily supported by their economies and continuing status as economic superpowers. Today, this is less and less the case.

Despite the many criticisms of China, it is hard to argue that the country is set to become one of the key world powers during this century. Currently, China is easily ranked at number two, and many people throughout the world believe China to bemore powerful than the USA economically. China indeed has been keen on making its influence felt in areas such as politics, international waters, and space travel.

The question for readers is this: if other countries (e.g. China, India, Japan, the Middle East) were forced to learn English and Western ways to fit in and succeed when Western countries were in power, can Western countries afford to ignore China now that it may be set to take over the reins?

If Westerners refuse to learn Chinese or refuse to accept Chinese behavior or cultural norms, will the opportunities for Westerners in the coming years also decrease? This possibility seems increasingly likely and represents something all Westerners will need to ponder deeply, even if they never intend to leave their home countries.

Final Thoughts

In closing, I would like to point out that, while advocating for the study and acceptance of other cultural mindsets, especially those of China, I do not unilaterally endorse attitudes, behaviors, or business practices that stem from them.

While Westerners may not always agree with the Chinese and their approaches to business and life, it is important to understand that much of what they do is a result of their social and cultural backgrounds and can be viewed as completely rational from their own point of view.

To move forward in developing a bilateral relationship with China and the Chinese people, it will be important to accept that, as a country and a people, they have an unalienable right to their own beliefs and traditions.

For the West to have an effective relationship with the Chinese people in the future, I firmly believe it is necessary to accept that and move forward with the understanding and acceptance that there are other ways besides “our way,” or the “Western Way.”

If you’re interested in thoughtful perspectives on China, cross-border work, and how culture, incentives, and organizations shape real outcomes, you’re welcome to subscribe to China Culture Corner and receive future posts by email.

I also share related ideas and longer-form video commentary on LinkedIn and YouTube, and post updates across the channels linked above.

If you or your organization is navigating China execution or cross-border alignment challenges, I work with teams on an embedded and remote basis. Reach out directly: Sean@SageSightConsulting.com

CULTURE BASICS

What ‘Face’ Means in Chinese Business Culture

10/10/2013 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 51 Comments

Most Westerners who are planning to travel to China for business have almost certainly heard of the concept of “Face,” or Miàn Zi (面子). China’s more hierarchical society certainly places a great deal more emphasis on Face daily life, business, and politics.

However, it can be difficult for Westerners new to China to understand specific rules for Face in China, as well as the different contexts in which it should be used.

For example, what actions will cause someone to gain or lose Face? In what situations should Face be given? And how will Face affect your business and life in China?

In the following article, several of the basic points surrounding Face will be explained, which all Westerners need to be familiar with to succeed in China.

What is Face?

In China and much of Asia, Face represents a person’s reputation and feelings of prestige within multiple spheres, including the workplace, the family, personal friends, and society at large. The concept of Face can be understood more easily by breaking it down into three separate components: the individual view, the community view, and actions.

The Individual View:

This pertains to the amount of prestige individuals feel based on their accomplishments and the amount of respect they feel they are due based on their position and status, such as in a company or at home.

For example, in the modern Chinese economy, there are many opportunities to buy status symbols, which help a person gain prestige. And in China’s hierarchy-focused society, the respect a person is due (or felt due) is determined first by status relative to another person’s, not necessarily by personal achievements.

The Community View:

This pertains to the amount of respect individuals feel necessary to give to someone else based upon that person’s position or status, such as in business, the family unit, or within a group of friends.

For example, status in a Chinese family is divided by very distinct roles, with separate terms of address used for older and younger cousins, aunts, and uncles. Giving the same amount of respect to older and younger aunts or uncles could be viewed as a breach of etiquette.

Actions:

This pertains to the various activities that can cause an individual to gain or lose Face. Based upon one’s position relative to someone else, several different actions can be employed to either cause a loss or gain of Face.

In some cases, these actions might occur unintentionally or instead be used as a tactic to achieve a specific result. For example, giving someone Face (e.g., more than they might deserve) can be used to build relationships and influence decisions. Causing someone to lose Face could be used to reinforce one’s own authority and status, or pressure someone toward a desired action, such as quitting their job or fulfilling a promise.

Face and Business in China

Face can be very visible in the Chinese business environment and play an important role in inter- and intra-company communication, business negotiations, and the development and maintenance of relationships. In China, company hierarchy is much more important than in many Western countries.

Not only are leaders and managers placed on a higher pedestal, but the distinction between different levels of management is much clearer and more important. Chinese leaders and managers usually expect respect from their subordinates and, in some cases, expect to be obeyed without question, no matter the rationality or fairness behind a request.

Not obeying “the will” of a Chinese leader or manager does not give them the perceived necessary prestige they (and others) feel is deserved. Indeed, survival in a Chinese company depends on knowing one’s place, and Face plays a very important role in facilitating that function.

When Chinese businesspeople build relationships with one another, Face is very important. On one hand, relationships in China are built and maintained by giving Face and increasing the prestige of one’s friends and contacts.

With two business people of the same relative position or status, Face is often given and received equally and is the cement that holds a relationship together.

“To me, your “face” is your position and standing in the eyes of others, and it also has to do with the degree of respect you receive. Face can also be saved up over time and used to accomplish things later on. If you drove a fashionable or luxurious car to attend a friend’s party, then the majority of your friends would feel that you had face. Also, if you can achieve something through your personal contacts that others cannot through normal channels, you would also be thought to have face. You can gain face if you are praised by your boss, or if you accomplish a difficult task at work. However, if you greet others warmly at social events, but are met only with indifference, then you would lose face. Questioning someone’s ideas or opinion in a public setting would cause that person to lose face.”

– James Tan, Sales Manager

On the other hand, when a client relationship is established in China, the client more often than not receives more Face in the early stages of a relationship from the “seller.” Face must be given to the client to make them believe that the seller is worthy of their money and time. Sometimes giving Face to a contact entails simply words and compliments, though sometimes gifts are required and invitations to dinners, entertainment, or other social events.

To the Chinese, there is a natural order in society as well as business, and if one is unwilling or unable to show the proper amount of Face to those who feel they deserve it, then one will likely be judged to not have good character. This has the potential to wreck business deals and sour relationships, so with regard to the issue of Face, most Chinese businesspeople tread with care.

Examples of Gaining & Losing Face

Even after understanding the basic mechanics and uses of Face, it can be difficult to understand how the concept actually works in practice. Below, I have listed several specific examples of how giving and losing Face could play out in China.

Management: A Chinese company director is leading a team of researchers to complete a consulting project for a client. At the project’s end, the director’s subordinates successfully present their findings and reference and praise their superior’s role in managing and leading the project. The actions of the report being completed successfully, as well as being praised in front of the client, give Face to the director.

Family: A Chinese mother makes many efforts to give her child the opportunity for a good education, both through financial and emotional support. The result is that the child is accepted at a prestigious foreign university. Not only do the parents feel proud of their child’s achievements, but they also feel that they have gained Face through the child’s achievement.

Marriage: A young Chinese man is trying to find a woman to marry, but has met with no success. After reaching his early thirties, all of his close friends have already married, and some even have children. In light of his failure to marry when his family, friends, and society expect him to, he feels a significant internal loss of Face. In addition, the young man’s friends may look down on him due to his failure to marry, and hence give him less Face through their actions and words during social gatherings. These actions would then further compound the loss of Face.

Employment: A young Chinese woman is stuck in a stressful job with an abusive manager at a local Chinese company. Through no fault of her own, she is constantly blamed for her manager’s failings and shortsightedness. Through being berated daily in front of her coworkers, the young woman continuously feels she is losing Face. In the end, she feels she has lost so much Face that she cannot bear to face her coworkers and decides to quit her job.

Advice for Overseas Professionals

While Face sounds complicated – and it is – there’s no need to despair. First of all, foreigners are not always expected to adhere to the same exacting standards of respect and prestige as locals in China are.

The influx of Western culture into many of the larger Chinese coastal cities (and other more developed areas), along with greater numbers of local Chinese with experience dealing with Westerners, has led to more flexible interpretations of business and social etiquette.

Also, Chinese culture in and of itself has both liberal and conservative interpretations, even before China’s modernization. Just as there are highly conservative Chinese managers, executives, and leaders who demand respect be paid to them at all times, there are also Chinese who have a less formal attitude and focus on getting results over respect.

However, when the issue of Face cannot be avoided, several things should be kept in mind:

Whenever someone outranks you or is older than you, it’s probably a good time to show them more respect.
Don’t forget to give Face when you want something from someone in China (e.g., a business deal or a favor).
While giving face is always important, don’t forget to develop the relationship over the long-term.
Giving Face will always be appreciated, even from Chinese people who have a lot of experience interacting with Westerners. Face is deeply rooted in Chinese society and mindset, and its importance will not fade over time.

While it’s true that some Westerners protest that they won’t “play the game” while in China, it is important to remember that when you are in someone’s house, it’s only polite to play by their rules, or you may be asked to leave. While overseas professionals certainly might be given more leeway when it comes to the Chinese way of doing things

At the very least, small gestures of respect are easy and go a long way toward demonstrating that you understand the importance of Face (and are willing to make an effort to understand Chinese culture) and that you are committed to a long-term relationship with the Chinese. Something as simple as this can be a crucial factor that can land important business deals and lead to rewarding friendships that will last a lifetime.

Final Note for 2026

This article was originally written in 2013, and much time has passed since then, both in terms of my own career development and experience in China, as well as China’s development, both economically and socially.

While the above article can still act as a strong foundation to help overseas professionals and visitors understand the nuances of respect and relationships in China, it should also be noted that China is not a monolith. Cultural practices and social expectations can vary by province, industry, educational background, and personal style. Many Chinese professionals and managers are also more experienced with overseas management and working styles.

In using this article as a guide for a career in China, or merely a trip here, it is best to use this article as a base foundation, remembering to observe the behavior and preferences of those around you and adapt how you employ Face and respect, depending on the person and situation. Best of luck!