LIFE IN CHINA

The Chinese Families of Flight MH370

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One story that has been dominating Western news networks for more than a month is the mystery of the missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370.

As of this article’s publishing, the search to find the missing plane and passengers in the South Indian Ocean is still ongoing, with no definite news on the location of the plane or the fate of the passengers.

From the very beginning, the story has had a specific Chinese angle, as 153 of the 239 passengers aboard flight MH were from Mainland China. Many of the family members of these Chinese passengers have been forced to wait for weeks, some in Malaysia and some in China, hoping for some word on their loved ones.

And while Western viewers have been privy to the mourning and public outbursts of these Chinese families, there has been little coverage in the West on the specific reasons behind them.

While it is certainly true that any family in this situation would be wracked with grief, some specific differences in the grief displayed by these Chinese families reflect cultural and social disparities between China and Western countries. In the following article, some of these differences will be explored to enlighten Westerners on the true plight of these Chinese families.

Families in China Don’t Get a Second Chance

The family has always been very important in China, though the smaller size of the modern Chinese family has in some ways increased its importance, and perhaps its fragility.

While the Chinese family (including the extended family) has traditionally been very large, its size has been drastically reduced due to the one-child policy. And while there may be no technical barriers to rebuilding a family after a tragedy, it still may be a practical impossibility. On one hand, the Chinese possess strong prejudices against divorce and remarriage, with a stable family viewed as more important than individual happiness.

While a Chinese man or woman who has lost their spouse may desire to find another partner, there may be internal resistance from friends and family. Many Chinese are strongly against marrying at a later age. And while Chinese men find it possible to marry a younger woman (if they have enough money), Chinese women above the age 30 or 35 will likely find it near impossible.

On the other hand, even though the birth of a second child is allowed under the Chinese one-child policy after the death of the first child, Chinese couples are rarely willing to have children at a later date. This is partly due to the increasing risk of birth defects as a woman ages (even though plenty of later births occur in other countries), as well as the continuing belief that a woman’s role is to marry and have children early.

For the above reasons, Chinese families who have lost one or more members of their families in the MH370 tragedy may be faced with the inescapable fact that they will have no chance to rebuild or recover.

The Public Outpouring of Grief

One issue that struck a chord with this author was the grief displayed very publicly by some Chinese family members. While any family faced with such a horrific tragedy would surely be filled with grief, the ways the Chinese (and many Asians in general) deal with their grief and negative emotions differ significantly from those in the West.

Many Westerners hold the view that the Chinese are more reserved in their displays of emotion, and to a degree, they are correct.  Chinese society’s early focus on hierarchy and collectivism meant that everyone had a proper place and way to act. One of the ways this translates into modern Chinese society is a reticence to discuss or openly display emotion among strangers and sometimes even one’s own family.

However, there are several reasons why Chinese people might break with this norm where grief and mourning are concerned.

Chinese Outpouring of Grief - MH370

The Chinese concept of Ren (忍) can be involved in sudden and violent displays of emotion. In Chinese, Ren means to endure or to tolerate.

Because specific members of Chinese society have specific roles and accepted behavior within those roles, they are rarely completely free to act or speak their mind.

As such, it is very common for negative feelings and stress to gradually increase within a Chinese person due to emotional pressure. At particularly tumultuous times, these negative emotions can become too much to bear, and like a broken dam, spill forth in a torrent.

Also, under certain circumstances, especially where the death of loved ones and close friends is involved, Chinese people are expected to display exaggerated emotions.

This practice comes from the Chinese custom of worshiping their ancestors and revering their elders, an incredibly important part of traditional Chinese life. The eldest member of the family (usually the eldest male) was always accorded the most respect, and upon dying, an elaborate ceremony would be held to pay respects and allow the family to mourn.

This mourning would many times be public in front of the neighborhood. Chinese family members who were not seen to mourn and grieve publicly and exaggeratedly were thought to be heartless and not filial (not fulfilling their duty to their elders).

In modern China, where family sizes are much smaller, this type of behavior may be extended to other family members besides the oldest, such as a child or sibling.

Offense Is the Best Defense in Modern Chinese Society

Many family members of the Chinese passengers of flight MH370, in addition to their grief, have been notably aggressive and confrontational in both their language and actions toward representatives of Malaysian Airlines and the Malaysian government.

While this might be understandable for anyone with a missing loved one, it is more so for the Chinese. The rapid pace of China’s economic development, along with the weak social and legal infrastructure present in many areas in China, has resulted in China’s citizens becoming accustomed to being taken advantage of with little to no legal recourse.

As such, the Chinese often take an aggressive stance when faced with a situation in which they feel they are being taken advantage of. This author has personally observed this aspect of modern Chinese society on multiple occasions and offers the following examples to further illustrate this point.

Supermarket Lines: A common sight at China’s large Hypermarts (e.g., Carrefour, Walmart) is one or several customers haranguing and hectoring cashiers over pricing or other issues of discontent. More often than not, excuses are not accepted, and the customer will keep at it until their concern is adequately addressed.

Delays at the Airport: In one instance, when flying from Shanghai to the USA, this author’s flight was canceled, and all passengers were shuttled off to another airport to catch a different flight. Little information was provided to any of the passengers as to whether it was feasible to make the arranged flight.

Due to what was viewed as a lack of information and poor customer service, several Chinese passengers came close to assaulting the accompanying airport representative when their questions were not answered satisfactorily. In the end, these passengers detained this representative aboard the shuttle bus for 5-10 minutes before he was finally allowed to leave.

The important point to be aware of from the preceding examples is not that the Chinese are mean or violent; indeed, far from it. In modern China, the pace of economic growth, along with weak social and legal infrastructure have created a social environment in which many Chinese are very wary about trusting companies or their fellow citizens.

One result of this is that the Chinese can be understandably aggressive in defending their own interests, especially because, in many cases, the law may not be able to.

Returning to the tragedy of missing flight MH370, it seems to be the opinion of many, if not all, of these Chinese families that Malaysian Airlines and the government have, at the very least, bungled the investigation and search efforts, and may very well have withheld information from the public in their own self-interest.

My own interpretation of the protests, aggressive rhetoric, and demands put forth by these families is that they have become convinced that the Malaysian government and Malaysian Airlines have no intention of going out of their way for the families and that the only option available is to fight back and become loud enough to force compliance with their demands and concerns.

What Does This Mean For Western Audiences?

To a certain extent, the Chinese are just like people all over the world. They all have families and react similarly as anyone else when they lose someone they love.

However, one key point that should be remembered is that although the Chinese may appear similar to Westerners on the surface in some ways, they are actually very different. The Chinese mindset is distinct and is shaped not only by their cultural history, but by the conditions of modern Chinese society.

Understanding Chinese culture and society will not only provide Westerners with a greater appreciation of the Chinese people but will also make it easier to empathize with them when tragedies similar to the missing flight MH370 occur in the future.

If you’re interested in thoughtful perspectives on China, cross-border work, and how culture, incentives, and organizations shape real outcomes, you’re welcome to subscribe to China Culture Corner and receive future posts by email.

I also share related ideas and longer-form video commentary on LinkedIn and YouTube, and post updates across the channels linked above.

If you or your organization is navigating China execution or cross-border alignment challenges, I work with teams on an embedded and remote basis. Reach out directly: Sean@SageSightConsulting.com

 

COMMUNICATION TIPS, LIFE IN CHINA

3 Ideas For More Effective Networking With the Chinese

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Networking in China

Do you want to expand your circle of Chinese business contacts? Do you want to make more Chinese friends? Are you unsure how to talk with the Chinese at networking and other social events?

Networking events have become a very popular pastime in Mainland China, especially in areas with a large numbers of Western expatriate workers. But aside from providing Westerners with the opportunity to relax and expand valuable networks of Western business and personal contacts, there is the potential to connect with the Chinese as well. Although the more conservative ideas and beliefs of the Chinese on social and business relationships do not often mesh well with more open and relaxed Western networking practices, this has not prevented a growing number of Chinese locals from attending networking events, especially  in the big cities. These not only include younger Chinese who have previously studied and worked overseas, but also more “local” business people and officials.

Despite the opportunities presented by this upswing in Chinese attendees, connecting with them is not as easy as you might first think. Overcoming differences in culture, language, and communication styles might initially seem like a simple proposition, but in realty can present a greater challenge. However, with a little practice and some insights into how the Chinese communicate, things can become a lot simpler. In the following article I share a few important tips on how to take the first step in connecting with the Chinese, whether for business or pleasure.

It’s Important To Actually Approach the Chinese

Creating relationships with the ChineseOne problem I’ve seen prevent other Westerners from effectively connecting with the Chinese at events is an initial unwillingness or hesitance to approach them. This does not usually stem from any kind of ill will, but rather from language barriers and differences in communication styles. Many Westerners new to China have not had much experience with the Chinese language or culture, and this can lead to a great deal of stress, especially following a long work day. Many Chinese attendees, especially those older or more senior, are more reserved or hesitant to speak in English for fear of embarrassment. Thus, it might be no surprise that at these types of after work social and networking events, the room often separates out into two distinct groups – locals speaking Chinese and Westerners speaking in English (or another Western language).

However if you are really interested in making new Chinese contacts, someone has to take the first step, and why not you? Simply find a group, and insert yourself into the conversation with a hello or “ni hao,” and the group will almost certainly move to welcome you. In addition, it’s worth considering that any Chinese “loners” at a given event may turn out to be a more senior, or possibly more local individual (with more local connections), and seeking them out will at the very least provide you with a a good introduction to more local Chinese communication styles, and potentially a good contact with local industry connections.

 Try To Create an Emotional Connection 

It is also worthwhile to consider the idea that, through emulating local Chinese communication styles, you may allow yourself to create a greater degree of rapport with the Chinese. While this prospect may seem difficult or uncomfortable to some readers, for those who sincerely wish to expand their network of Chinese contacts, creating an emotional connection in your conversations with the Chinese can be incredibly effective. Due to traditional Chinese concepts such as Face, and ideas of proper behavior, conversations can take on a slightly different tone between Chinese attendees of networking events, and contain nuances separate from the experiences of most Westerners. And because Chinese relationship networks tend to be much more personal than many in the West, the Chinese prefer to feel some sort of emotional connection when networking or meeting new contacts. If Westerners can tap into this type of connection when networking with the Chinese, then it will be possible to more quickly and effectively create new friendships or partnerships.

In practice actually emulating or copying specific Chinese communication styles effectively can be difficult at first. Therefore from my own experience in China I have selected several simple methods, displayed below, which Westerners can use to immediately start building an emotional rapport with the Chinese:

  1. Offer more compliments than usual: Face is such a rudimentary part of Chinese people’s daily lives that even among close friends and business partners little compliments fly back and forth simply on pure reflex. If you can pick up on this “rhythm” of the conversation, native Chinese will likely feel more comfortable around you.
  2. Let your enthusiasm show through: The Chinese focus on Face and relationships also combine to create what can only be described as an atmosphere of greater enthusiasm, as if everyone were best friends. Therefore its not advisable to be cool, and reserved when trying to make new Chinese friends and contacts.
  3. Defer to age and seniority: There is a cultural attitude among the Chinese to respect those that are older, more experienced, more senior, or simply those who have a higher status (e.g. famous). Those in these positions expect this type f respect even at casual events, and providing it can engender positive feelings between the two of you.
  4. Try out some Chinese: The Chinese take pride in their country, culture, and language and seeing a Westerner try to speak Chinese with them will usually impress them and demonstrate your own appreciation of China. And when you are talking with Chinese people who are unsure of their own English language skills, being able to communicate in Chinese is an easy way to get the conversation started.

With regard to the above ideas on emulating Chinese communication styles, it should be noted that the Chinese (all of us, in fact) respond to interpersonal communications both consciously as well as subconsciously. This means that although a Chinese person will almost certainly consciously recognize that Westerners communicate differently, they can rarely escape the subconscious reaction to respond positively to the application of Face or other Chinese communication styles. In contrast, a Westerner who adamantly refuses to adapt to local communication styles, may find it difficult to create strong and lasting connections with the Chinese.

Know How the Chinese Think About Relationships

20120817001Another very Chinese concept you might want to keep in mind when networking with the Chinese, is that of Yuanfen. While many Westerners may have never heard of this term, the idea behind it is simple enough, that some relationships are predestined, and some people are pulled together by the mysterious forces of the universe. While many younger Chinese only give credence to the romantic implications of Yuanfen, older and more traditionally minded Chinese are much more likely to view Yuanfen as relevant to all relationships, including business and politics. And when a Chinese person believes in Yuanfen, first impressions can matter a lot. Specifically, if a Chinese person discovers you share a common background, interest, or professions, in addition to experiencing the type of emotional connection described above, they may decide they have Yuanfen with you right away. Therefore make sure you put your best face forward lest a potential friend or business partner slip through your fingers and a potential opportunity be lost.

Final Thoughts

When networking in China, whether for fun or professional reasons, the more time and effort you invest, the more you get can get back. In my opinion, by not networking with the Chinese, a Westerner loses out on a potential valuable opportunity to make new friends and learn about a new culture. For the business minded, you never know who might be a potential business partner you might not have approached otherwise. All in all, life is a journey, and knowing more people helps you get where you want to go faster, and have more fun along the way.

Thanks for reading!

Do you have any additional questions about communicating effectively with the Chinese at networking events? Do you have positive stories of your own you would like to share with other readers? Please feel free to post your thoughts in the comments section below.

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LIFE IN CHINA

The Difficulties in Connecting With Influential Chinese

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In China it is common to encounter Western business people looking for introductions to Chinese executives or government officials. This is usually accompanied by the idea that these kinds of powerful connections, or guanxi, can be the lynchpin in establishing a successful business or venture in the Chinese market. And while possessing strong guanxi in China can indeed help one’s business to grow and flourish, actually obtaining it is not as easy as some may think.

The Chinese think about introductions and networking in a very different manner than most Westerners. While many Western business people thrive on an open and all inclusive model for meeting new people, influential Chinese business people are more low-key, and prefer to remain within their own social circles. Despite this, it is indeed possible to network with and obtain introductions to the influential in China, though, to succeed, it is essential for Westerners to study and understand the Chinese mindset. Below, the author lists several common points of concern he has observed in Chinese executives and officials.   

“Who Are You and Why Should I Care?”

Power and money are the true capital in modern China, and the Chinese business and political “influencers” do not exit on the same level as the rest of Chinese society. In order to be able to directly connect and converse with these influential Chinese power players, it is vital to possess something to which they can respect and relate. For example, CEOs and top executives from well known Western MNCs will have a better chance at obtaining introductions or meetings with their Chinese counterparts. This is not merely due to a relative equality in position and power, but also because high-level Western business people (and politicians) are likely to have high-level connections within their own countries. However, for entrepreneurs and executives of smaller companies, a lack of prestige and connections may prove to be a barrier to obtaining introductions. Status is very important in China, and unfortunately some people just do not “make the cut.”

“Why Should I Share My Network With You?”

Although the Chinese in general are very polite and enthusiastic when talking to Westerners, they are also usually more reserved and cautious with their personal network of contacts. To a greater extent than many countries in the West, the Chinese rely deeply on their networks for both social and business functions, which are essential to life and business in modern China.  In fact, many successful and influential business people in China have succeeded specifically due to their own networks. As such, the Chinese are usually very cautious about opening up such an important part of their life to someone they don’t know, no matter how powerful. Therefore, networking in China seldom occurs as it might in Western countries. Generous amounts of time is required for both parties to get to know one another other, both before and after an introduction takes place. After all, to paraphrase an English expression, the Chinese don’t let just anyone see the goose that laid the golden egg.

“What’s In It For Me?”

Even if an influential Chinese person is impressed with a Westerner’s position and with what he or she can offer, there may be an additional factor causing an influential Chinese business person to hesitate. After all, if a Westerner is offering a potential Chinese contact, introduced through a Chinese intermediary, a chance to increase their own money, influence or power, why should the intermediary not get anything in return? In fact, many introductions that take place in China are not necessarily one close friend introducing another. If a Chinese person claims to have guanxi in a certain sector, they may simply mean that they “know a guy” who then knows “another guy.” Therefore, if the person that they are introducing may not actually be a close friend at all, there may be no guarantee of a payout for the Chinese contact. In these cases the Chinese which a Westerner hopes will provide an introduction may feel more comfortable waiting until they get something which they want. It is also common practice in China, especially in sales, for facilitators of business deals to receive unofficial commissions or other perks. Within the sometimes-murky realm of high-level personal relationships in China, nothing is free.

“Will This Damage My Relationship With My Contact?”

Lastly, the Chinese people are universally concerned about staying on good terms with their business and personal contacts. Thus, before providing introductions into their network, one issue an influential Chinese person will consider is not only the potential benefit (for their contact as well as themselves), but also any potential risks as well. For example, if a Chinese person discovers any risks to a valuable relationship, he/she will likely choose to pass on providing a specific introduction.

How Can “Regular” Western Business People Get Introductions in China?

Unfortunately, there just isn’t any quick and easy way to gain instant access to the rich and powerful in China, especially if one lacks power and prestige of one’s own. However, this does not mean that it is impossible to gain access to influential Chinese business people.  This author, through his own experience in China, points out a few tips below that could help:

1) Spend time on-the-ground in China: When it is impossible to reach out and connect with powerful Chinese directly, it may be necessary to first spend some time in China, learning about the business environment and working within the local business community. Many Chinese cities, especially the large metropolises, possess numerous business and trade organizations at which it is very easy to meet and greet a variety of Chinese business people. Through this type of networking, it may be possible over time to slowly get in touch with influential Chinese.

2) Create a Successful Company: Creating your own company or venture, which either has a strong advantage in the Chinese market or presents advantages for Chinese companies doing business abroad, can create new corridors for connecting with influential business people in China. On one hand, a successful company or brand may entice offers for partnership or purchase. On the other, certain Western regions (e.g. Silicon Valley in the USA) have large entrepreneur communities focusing on the Chinese market. Networking in your home country in this context may present the opportunity to meet powerful Chinese VC executives, who in turn would have their own powerful circles of contacts.

3) Expand your network in your home country: Building a strong network of connections in one’s own country is also a method which can build a foundation for later contact with China’s business “influencers.” This is especially relevant in light of the fact that an increasing number of Chinese companies are starting to set up operations in foreign countries. While its true that many Chinese returnees or overseas workers join these companies, there is no substitute for a lifetime of experience in one’s home country. If a Westerner has something the Chinese want (e.g. connections and knowledge), they may have the chance to get to know some of the powerful executives in charge of these firms.

Thanks for reading!

Do you have any additional questions about connecting with the influential business elite in China? Do you have any helpful examples from your own experiences from working with the Chinese that you would like to share? Please feel free to post your thoughts in the comments section below.

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