Category Archives: COMMUNICATION TIPS

3 Ideas For More Effective Networking With the Chinese

04/03/2014 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 2 Comments

Do you want to expand your circle of Chinese business contacts? Do you want to make more Chinese friends? Are you unsure how to talk with the Chinese at networking and other social events?

Networking events have become a very popular pastime in Mainland China, especially in areas with a large numbers of Western expatriate workers. But aside from providing Westerners with the opportunity to relax and expand valuable networks of Western business and personal contacts, there is the potential to connect with the Chinese as well. Although the more conservative ideas and beliefs of the Chinese on social and business relationships do not often mesh well with more open and relaxed Western networking practices, this has not prevented a growing number of Chinese locals from attending networking events, especially in the big cities. These not only include younger Chinese who have previously studied and worked overseas, but also more “local” business people and officials.

Despite the opportunities presented by this upswing in Chinese attendees, connecting with them is not as easy as you might first think. Overcoming differences in culture, language, and communication styles might initially seem like a simple proposition, but in realty can present a greater challenge. However, with a little practice and some insights into how the Chinese communicate, things can become a lot simpler. In the following article I share a few important tips on how to take the first step in connecting with the Chinese, whether for business or pleasure.

It’s Important To Actually Approach the Chinese

One problem I’ve seen prevent other Westerners from effectively connecting with the Chinese at events is an initial unwillingness or hesitance to approach them. This does not usually stem from any kind of ill will, but rather from language barriers and differences in communication styles. Many Westerners new to China have not had much experience with the Chinese language or culture, and this can lead to a great deal of stress, especially following a long work day. Many Chinese attendees, especially those older or more senior, are more reserved or hesitant to speak in English for fear of embarrassment. Thus, it might be no surprise that at these types of after work social and networking events, the room often separates out into two distinct groups – locals speaking Chinese and Westerners speaking in English (or another Western language).

However if you are really interested in making new Chinese contacts, someone has to take the first step, and why not you? Simply find a group, and insert yourself into the conversation with a hello or “ni hao,” and the group will almost certainly move to welcome you. In addition, it’s worth considering that any Chinese “loners” at a given event may turn out to be a more senior, or possibly more local individual (with more local connections), and seeking them out will at the very least provide you with a a good introduction to more local Chinese communication styles, and potentially a good contact with local industry connections.

Try To Create an Emotional Connection

It is also worthwhile to consider the idea that, through emulating local Chinese communication styles, you may allow yourself to create a greater degree of rapport with the Chinese. While this prospect may seem difficult or uncomfortable to some readers, for those who sincerely wish to expand their network of Chinese contacts, creating an emotional connection in your conversations with the Chinese can be incredibly effective. Due to traditional Chinese concepts such as Face, and ideas of proper behavior, conversations can take on a slightly different tone between Chinese attendees of networking events, and contain nuances separate from the experiences of most Westerners. And because Chinese relationship networks tend to be much more personal than many in the West, the Chinese prefer to feel some sort of emotional connection when networking or meeting new contacts. If Westerners can tap into this type of connection when networking with the Chinese, then it will be possible to more quickly and effectively create new friendships or partnerships.

In practice actually emulating or copying specific Chinese communication styles effectively can be difficult at first. Therefore from my own experience in China I have selected several simple methods, displayed below, which Westerners can use to immediately start building an emotional rapport with the Chinese:

Offer more compliments than usual: Face is such a rudimentary part of Chinese people’s daily lives that even among close friends and business partners little compliments fly back and forth simply on pure reflex. If you can pick up on this “rhythm” of the conversation, native Chinese will likely feel more comfortable around you.
Let your enthusiasm show through: The Chinese focus on Face and relationships also combine to create what can only be described as an atmosphere of greater enthusiasm, as if everyone were best friends. Therefore its not advisable to be cool, and reserved when trying to make new Chinese friends and contacts.
Defer to age and seniority: There is a cultural attitude among the Chinese to respect those that are older, more experienced, more senior, or simply those who have a higher status (e.g. famous). Those in these positions expect this type f respect even at casual events, and providing it can engender positive feelings between the two of you.
Try out some Chinese: The Chinese take pride in their country, culture, and language and seeing a Westerner try to speak Chinese with them will usually impress them and demonstrate your own appreciation of China. And when you are talking with Chinese people who are unsure of their own English language skills, being able to communicate in Chinese is an easy way to get the conversation started.

With regard to the above ideas on emulating Chinese communication styles, it should be noted that the Chinese (all of us, in fact) respond to interpersonal communications both consciously as well as subconsciously. This means that although a Chinese person will almost certainly consciously recognize that Westerners communicate differently, they can rarely escape the subconscious reaction to respond positively to the application of Face or other Chinese communication styles. In contrast, a Westerner who adamantly refuses to adapt to local communication styles, may find it difficult to create strong and lasting connections with the Chinese.

Know How the Chinese Think About Relationships

Another very Chinese concept you might want to keep in mind when networking with the Chinese, is that of Yuanfen. While many Westerners may have never heard of this term, the idea behind it is simple enough, that some relationships are predestined, and some people are pulled together by the mysterious forces of the universe. While many younger Chinese only give credence to the romantic implications of Yuanfen, older and more traditionally minded Chinese are much more likely to view Yuanfen as relevant to all relationships, including business and politics. And when a Chinese person believes in Yuanfen, first impressions can matter a lot. Specifically, if a Chinese person discovers you share a common background, interest, or professions, in addition to experiencing the type of emotional connection described above, they may decide they have Yuanfen with you right away. Therefore make sure you put your best face forward lest a potential friend or business partner slip through your fingers and a potential opportunity be lost.

Final Thoughts

When networking in China, whether for fun or professional reasons, the more time and effort you invest, the more you get can get back. In my opinion, by not networking with the Chinese, a Westerner loses out on a potential valuable opportunity to make new friends and learn about a new culture. For the business minded, you never know who might be a potential business partner you might not have approached otherwise. All in all, life is a journey, and knowing more people helps you get where you want to go faster, and have more fun along the way.

Thanks for reading!

Do you have any additional questions about communicating effectively with the Chinese at networking events? Do you have positive stories of your own you would like to share with other readers? Please feel free to post your thoughts in the comments section below.

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COMMUNICATION TIPS

What is the Secret to Speaking Better Chinese?

02/20/2014 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 13 Comments

Many Westerners in China have a love-hate relationship with the Chinese language. No matter whether learning for professional or personal reasons, Westerners all over China and abroad attempt to improve their Chinese language skills on a daily basis, but to no avail.

Despite having studied Chinese for many years, it is common for many Westerners to be unable to speak Chinese fluidly or fluently. It is then no surprise that many wonder if they will ever be able to succeed in learning the Chinese language.

In fact, the Chinese language is by no means beyond the grasp of Westerners living in or planning to move to China. It simply takes the right approach and focus. After five years in China, I have identified several important factors that can make a big difference in attaining verbal fluency in Chinese. I list and discuss them below:

Spend Time with the Chinese, Not Westerners

When Westerners or other learners of the Chinese language ask me how to improve their own Chinese skills, they often confess to spending most of their time in China with other expatriates.

This is a big problem. Chinese cannot be learned by repeating a few phrases each week in restaurants or on the street. It cannot be learned by going out to Western bars. It cannot be learned by speaking English every day.

It can only be learned by engaging in real and in-depth conversations with the Chinese every day and by immersing oneself in a Chinese environment. Many Westerners assume that by being in China, they are immersing themselves in the language and culture, and the rest will follow.

This is unfortunately not the case. Learning to speak Chinese well takes effort every day and requires one to make Chinese friends and spend time with them regularly speaking the Chinese language.

Even Westerners outside of China can immerse themselves in a Chinese environment by seeking out overseas Chinese communities and surrounding themselves with Chinese video and audio material.

There is No Substitute for Making Mistakes and Feeling Awkward

When attending business events and social gatherings, I rarely see Westerners actively trying to speak Chinese with the locals. The room usually separates into two groups – Westerners and overseas Chinese speaking English, and local Chinese speaking Chinese.

This is the easy way out, and certainly not an effective way to learn the Chinese language. The way the Chinese language is learned is by putting oneself in Chinese-only environments and constantly taking risks to try out new words or expressions.

Most of the time, one will make mistakes and will feel awkward or embarrassed. But this is an absolutely necessary part of the Chinese language learning process. How many times do babies fall before learning how to stand? The same applies very much to learning Chinese.

When one makes a mistakes it is clear that one is pushing at their own limits. Only through persistence and dedication can one surpass those limits and increase one’s fluency in the Chinese language.

Don’t Focus on Studying Vocabulary

A question I hear a lot is, “Can you recommend a book or Chinese dictionary to study?” From my own perspective, while it is of course necessary for new students of the Chinese language to put a certain amount of focus on dictionaries and course books, this is a bad frame of mind to get into for those with an existing proficiency in Chinese.

With this approach, a student of the Chinese language ends up with lots of words that they have never or rarely put into practice. Even when one CAN remember all the words they have learned, the words are usually not spoken in a sure and confident manner. Instead, I would suggest that books and other study material be thought of as tools to assist one’s study of Chinese, not be the sole focus of study.

So learn some new words, and then go out into the world and practice using them. When a Chinese person uses a word one doesn’t understand, it’s important to ask what it means, and then remember it. Only by constantly putting newly learned Chinese into practice can it be remembered and mastered.

Decide How Much Chinese is Right for You

In the end, learning any language requires a definite commitment to one’s time. Chinese is especially so due to its characters, tones, and other differences from Latin-based languages.

And learning Chinese is more difficult when combined with the obligations of work and family. Because of these limits on time, many Chinese learners constantly feel that they are spinning their wheels and never improving.

Therefore, I would recommend that current and future students of the Chinese language consider how much Chinese they both want to learn, as well as need to learn. Instead of constantly trying to learn new words and phrases, pick a set number of words and phrases and concentrate solely on mastering their usage.

This and continuous practice can allow Westerners to achieve increased verbal fluency in the areas that matter most to them. In any case, there is one point I hope becomes clear from the above discussion. Learning to speak Chinese may not be easy, but it is simple and straightforward, as outlined above.

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If you or your organization is navigating China execution or cross-border alignment challenges, I work with teams on an embedded and remote basis. Reach out directly: Sean@SageSightConsulting.com

COMMUNICATION TIPS

Saying “No” in China

01/27/2014 Sean Upton-McLaughlin 15 Comments

When doing business or living in China, it is inevitable that one will, from time to time, be forced to say no, to deny a request, or to offer criticism.

However, in Chinese society, which emphasizes respecting people’s Face and maintaining importantrelationships, saying no directly can lead to unintended problems.

As a rule, the Chinese are much more vague and indirect than Westerners. By understanding the different ways in which the Chinese indirectly refuse others, Western businesspeople in China will have several advantages.

First, when speaking with Chinese employees, superiors, friends, and family members, recognizing a vague refusal can lead to an earlier comprehension and reduce the potential danger caused by misinformation.

Second, understanding the Chinese indirect methods of refusal can allow Western businesspeople to apply them to their own conversations and negotiations with the Chinese. By saying no in the Chinese way, the feelings of the Chinese can be spared, allowing for a more effective working relationship.

Below, several common methods of saying “no” in China are presented for the education of interested Western businesspeople and travelers, so as to be more able to effectively communicate with the Chinese.

Express Embarrassment

One of the more common methods of saying no in China is to begin a refusal by expressing one’s own embarrassment at the situation. This is stated exaggeratedly, with the person saying no acting as if they are inconveniencing the person they are saying no to.

The goal here is to placate the person being spoken to and to give them an extra measure of respect to not cause them to lose face or feel unappreciated. This method might be used to avoid going to lunch with a coworker or declining to help a friend with a favor.

“Oh my gosh, I’m SO embarrassed! I completely forgot about having lunch with you today. I’ll definitely make it up to you tomorrow, ok?”

Be Roundabout and Vague

Another way to say no in China, without unduly offending a Chinese person, is by being roundabout and vague. In other words, this means not giving a direct reply. The Chinese often use terms such as “I’m not sure,” “maybe,” and “perhaps.”

In addition, other words that in Western cultures express assent or understanding can in China be used to be noncommittal. These include words such as “I understand,” “sure,” and “I know.” In practice, there are two ways vague language can be used in this regard.

First is when one does not want to damage the Face of a Chinese person. Second is when one wants to protect oneself from the negative consequences of overtly supporting or agreeing with another.

One example could be a manager who does not want to directly reject the idea of a subordinate and thus cause them to lose Face in front of coworkers. Using vague language can allow the manager to put the issue on hold until he or she is better prepared to handle it.

Make Excuses – You Need to Confer With Your Boss

A common method in the Chinese business community to say no (or aid in negotiations) is to pass the blame for making a decision to one’s boss or superior.

With this method of saying no, although a Chinese person might say no more directly than at other times, they, to a degree, are able to remove responsibility from themselves.

This method serves to protect the relationship between two people (e.g. salesman and a client) even when saying no directly is unavoidable.

In fact, it is common for small business owners to display a lower-level position (such as senior consultant or senior manager) on their business cards expressly for the purpose of using this tactic and allowing greater flexibility in negotiations.

Tell a “White Lie”

It’s important to remember that saving Face for the Chinese has little to do with the truth and everything to do with personal feelings and prestige.

The Chinese try to protect the Face of friends and coworkers by hiding the truth and replacing it with something less embarrassing or negative. For example, when an outing has been planned with friends or family, not attending because one “ doesn’t want to” would cause hurt feelings or anger.

It is much more acceptable to the Chinese way of thinking to claim that one has to work overtime to prevent hurting the feelings of a friend. Likewise, when unwilling to work overtime or attend a conference, a Chinese employee might tell their superior that their parents have fallen ill, and thus cannot attend.

“I’m sorry John, I just found out that my wife’s parents are coming to visit Shanghai this weekend. They expect me to show them around the city and I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend the conference with you. I really wanted to go with you but I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.”

Put Things Off

One Chinese method of saying no, which causes misunderstandings for Western sales and business development professionals, is the Chinese tendency to put things on hold or to claim to be busy.

For example, when a Chinese company does not want to meet with a salesperson, it is common for the salesperson to be told to “call back in a few months.” In many cases, this simply means that the company is not interested in a meeting. In the above example, it is of course likely that the company doesn’t care about the Face of the salesperson; they would simply rather be indirect.

However, putting things on hold can also be used to try to preserve the feelings of a friend or coworker. If a good friend asks for a loan of a large amount of money, a Chinese person would likely rather try to put things on hold for a few months rather than embarrass their friend by saying no.

Offer a Positive before a Negative

When one has to say something less than positive to a subordinate, this method can be used to mitigate a potentially bad reaction. For example, if one needs to say no to an employee who asks for a promotion, it might be a good idea to first praise their hard work and their contributions to the team/company.

When it is necessary to criticize a certain area in an employee’s performance that needs to be improved, one can first highlight areas in which they excelled. In this manner, the employee’s Face and they will be less likely to feel humiliated in front of their coworkers.

Final Thoughts

Although Chinese people are not always politely indirect when speaking with one another, it is common enough behavior within the Chinese business and social environments to merit study by Westerners.

And while the actual practice of saying no appropriately does indeed take some practice, there are several key categories to saying no that the Western businessperson in China should try to remember. These are 1) padding the truth, 2) telling white lies, and 3) being roundabout and vague.

Taking heed of these three methods will allow Westerners to be more able to communicate effectively with the Chinese as well as to understand them more quickly and with less difficulty.

Lastly, while it is true that many Westerners may recognize some of the above methods for saying no from their own experience in Western society, there is an important distinction that one should understand.

While most Westerners may at times be vague and indirect, this is not the norm and usually clashes with Western society’s concepts regarding honesty and the truth. Chinese society is the opposite. To the Chinese, being vague and indirect is a part of everyday life, and it not only colors the way they offer refusals but also how they communicate in general.